You’re doing your job, but you’re not enthusiastic, and you’re clearly not happy.

A few weeks ago, I was given that feedback at work.  I suspect the intent was to ‘motivate’ me to do better.  But honestly, part of me is taking it as a compliment.

I don’t talk about this often, not even with friends, but I suffer from a mood disorder.  Not simple “I’m having a bad day” stuff, but an inherited issue that needs medication and regular monitoring by a medical professional.  This issue is not a recent development.  I first saw someone about it nearly 25 years ago, and I’ve been consistently managing it for the last 15.  For the most part, I’ve learned to deal with it as just another thing to overcome.

Over the years, I’ve picked up a number of coping strategies that seem to work, and I’ve clearly identified a number of my triggers.  I persist by structuring my life in a way that I can use my coping strategies to avoid my triggers.

Such is life.

“You’re doing your job, but you’re not enthusiastic, and you’re clearly not happy.”

So, why is this a complement? This is why:  “You’re doing your job.”

I’ve been living in a damn country song the last few years.
I lost a job I rather liked when the office shut down.  I’ve had significant unplanned expenses due to a clogged sewer, dead dishwasher, broken refrigerator, a broken windshield.  My dog died.  We had a record number of gray days, which did a number on my Seasonal Affective Disorder.  The US has become outwardly more hostile to those who are different.

I’ve had severe sleep disruption on numerous occasions, due to work, medical issues, a broken furnace.  (Sleep disruption is one of my major triggers.)

And, unsurprising, I’ve experienced levels of depression I’ve not seen in at least a decade.

Yet…I’m still able to do my job.  My rational side has been clawing and scraping, pulling me forward day after day.  I don’t have the emotional energy to be enthusiastic, or to “enjoy” things in the same sense that others might.  But I’m doing enough, if only barely.

I’m going to take that as a win.  Sometimes, just making it is a huge accomplishment.